went to meet up with HKsquare on Sun night at Bt Timah Food Centre. After that, we went to have some drink at Old Town. took some pictures but sadly, Hendry obviously was damn sian when he took the picture with me. just look at his face! haha. and the two mi-mi-yan. haha!
sorry for not meeting you guys earlier. i was suffering from mild depression. that period was like crap. i was totally uninterested about meeting people, interacting with people. yes, i literally shut myself off from my friends except my family and damien.

during those days, i let my tears fell easily. i used to think that i was a strong girl but i was so wrong. my tears were easily triggered off by some silly thoughts. sometimes, when i was alone on bus, i could feel my hot tears welled up. the feelin was terrible.

i was stressed but i guess my family and damien were more stressed than me. while tolerating my foul temper, they had to comfort me. my mom was the best. she was very supportive and protective towards me. yet, she suffered the most cos she spent the most time with me. kudos!

well, all these are over because i've finally settled down. no more tears! just more things to learn. work is not hard, not working is even harder cos no financial means. anw, this week is going to be great! a weekend getaway on our way. yes, my family and damien =) yays!

and before that, i cant wait for friday to come! looking forward... =)

my creation - walnut marble cake. =) i baked couple of hours ago. fresh!

too tired to blog about anything. just have a chilled beer and smile!

(btw, that's not my beer. i swear!)

and i finally started to work. haha! yess...finally.

so far, everything is great. lots of learning to be done and i'm lookin forward to get into the groove manz.

my little cubicle. not many things on my desk because the department is going to move to another level. so trying to keep my things at the minimum. the view from my window. =) hope my new desk will have such view too. heh!a little SWEET surprise from my colleague and her note. ooh, lovely!and here comes the yummy part.

this is what i ate this afternoon. yARpz! marble cake. and i freaking made it myself! at first, it didnt go very well because i totally forgot to lift it up using the rack. the inside was not baked but the surface of the cake cracked like anything. so i baked it again using the rack this time and it went all well =) ha! i'm so happy that it was quite a success on my first attempt! my dad loves it and my sis cant wait to eat. yays!

recently i read the book- he's just not that into you. while reading it, i recalled some of the things that happened in the past. somehow, the excuses were quite familiar to me. you know, when a guy said he wld ask you out but he never do, it's because he is just not that into you. but we choose to dismiss such signs and resort to finding excuses for his absence. how silly of me! but fortunately, i'm glad that i see positive signs in him.

so please rach, if you dont know anything that happened in the past, dont comment. all i want to say is there are some things that you dont see but they are obvious to me. dont you farking blame me for what happened. i am very happy now, that's all you need to know.

irritating! seriously, i hate staying here. what's up with these people?! totally grossed out by them.

first, they do all sorts of funny things in the lift (i shall not list them to save you guys from puking). actually, i'm absolutely forgiving towards these people because they CAN'T read the notices. but sometimes, it jus so hard to tolerate. despite the installation of CCTV, they continue with their acts.

NOW THEY FREAKING THREW NOODLES ON MY MELODY!

screw these ill-mannered, LC human beings. probably they are not, cos humans can be taught and tame, not animals.

it's either our education system has to do something it or the town council has to use more effective ways to stop all these nonsense.

it (THE week) started rough but in the end, it wasnt as bad as thought. in fact, it's a sweet and feel-good weekend. revitalized.

the "splendid" day was torturous. but the next day, everything went back to normal, in fact even better. we went to date and tried to clear all the misunderstanding. before a movie, we had our dinner at dome cafe. it was my first time there. i liked the atmosphere and the food. for some reason, the place jus made me feel great about everything. ha!

then we went to tcc for a drink after the movie. away from my norm, i ordered red bean soya drink. and i kinda regret cos i still find their matcha red bean drink nicer.

and we started a little of cam-whoring. actually, i really like this pic (for some unknown reason). on wednesday, he spent time in my house. we watched he's jus not into you. then we had dinner at bottle tree park. i can really see that he is trying and i really appreciate all the initiatives. i cant really complaint much because of all his effort.

thank you so much for everythin you've done!

over the weekends, i went cameron highland with my family. we braved through the mountains with chevy. good job, melody! my cousin-in-law led the way. the trip was super enjoyable since it's free and easy, so pretty OTOT (totally not in rush = super relaxing).

we took our own sweet time to drive up to our hotel. we set off at 6.30am and reach our hotel at around 6.30pm. haha..12hours drive! it's really crazy. but seriously relaxing because time wasnt an issue to us at all.

view from our hotel balcony.

daisy!

one crap crab, one bucket of water and one goat

the FANGs!

and the mafia!

sunflower!

on our way to lunch.

the fan-faced mom.

the ever-busy woman.

yesss, she finally revealed her face. may the tomato force combines! and the yummy strawberries!
our strawberry desserts.

cam-whoring.

view when i was at the highest point in cameron.

strawberry ice-cream!
and of course even more strawberries..
tea appreciation at boh tea factory.

the sistAs!

cabbage in watercress farm. oh, i must really mention this. everywhere i go is strawberries. and yes! i bought a pair of strawberry slippers for indoors. ha! i love it manz!

what a "splendid" day to kick-start a week. we spent the day competing for EMO award.

you know what, you win this round, alright. and i'm farking defeated and totally crushed by your nonchalant attitude. but i guess this is what people meant by WHAT GOES AROUND COMES AROUND.

you so damn blardy deserve it, kexi.

the super delicious TOKYO BANANA! yummy! my sis bought two different flavors from japan last week. one is original flavor (the yellow one) and another is a chocolate flavor. at first, we found the original flavor is rather bland. but after a week, we learnt to appreciate them.

the recommended way of eating is to eat the chocolate flavor first then the original flavor cos' somehow the original doesnt taste that bland.

the one on top of the TOKYO BANANA is also super nice. the exterior is made of premium green tea and the inside is quality japanese red bean. wah! i love this manz. hope my sis can go japan again real soon.japan has super nice packaging. they wrap the food with plastic, not those flimsy-kind that we find here. after that, they use boxes for the individual packages. and finally, a wrapper for the box. jus so pretty that i dont feel like openin them. jus admire it is as good as eating them. woohoo!they also quite 'tie xin' cos other than wrapping them nicely, they also provide convenience. for instance, my sis bought this delicious 'mua-ji', they actually provide toothpick in it lahz! and we dont have to diry our hands or look for our own toothpick. ooh, so nice of them.

annually as usual, today is the day that i cant possibly have missed. we had an almost twenty-year series at sembawang park and now it's HomeTeam Sembawang. i'm quite bored with the place actually. there's really not much you can do there.

initially, i thought i could watch TV programmes since my dad got a suite there. unfortunately, even before we could even check-in, the HomeTeam management cancelled our bookings. apparently, the ghaumen was planning to disinfect the whole area. so, we couldnt check-in.

i was so appalled by their efficiency. it took me by surprise that they informed us about the disinfection plans by the ghaumen when we were checkin-in in an hour's time (they called me at 1pm and we were going to check-in at 2pm!). i mean ghaumen didnt just called the HomeTeam at 11am to inform them to close their facilities at 12pm sharp, right.

i simply dont understand what take them so long to disseminate this piece of information to the guests. atrocious!

a freakin warm day makes people's blood boils. but somehow, a day outside home made me feel better. i'm now thinking that THIS is the golden period and i should be enjoying my life. i should not be brooding over sappy things that spoil my mood. since i dont really have financial burdens like i need to feed the family, why do i still worry so much and make myself feeling miserable everyday?

maybe i should stop sulking and move on! yes, i like to move it, move it. MOVE IT!

i hope everything is back to normal......

come on, please dont be a sucker anymore manz!

= delayed post =

i guess the blogger server was down or somethin as i didnt manage to publish this post.

yay! i've got the confirmation from Shape Run and i've 20% off nike women running products from labor day's onwards!


today was a bit busy. haven really got the time to sit down in front of the computer. ha! it's a good sign though! =)


cant wait for tmr after 5pm! *smile

a monotonous day for me.

i went tuition in the morning. literally went by feet. i'm so proud of myself! the house is jus behind Sembawan Shopping Mall, which is five bus stops away from where I'm staying. i walked for twenty minutes. it wasnt that bad actually, apart from the hot Sun.

jus went to check the Shape Run Registration. it's closed cos the registration is already full. oh no, i bet my cousin hasnt registered yet lorz. hmm..jus hopefully, i can run faster and quickly finish my lonely 10k lahz! ehh..kexi and her wishful thinkings. tsk tsk!

come to think about it, i dont even know if i'll get it. apparently, i gave them the wrong email address and it's impossible for them to send me the confirmation letter. the worst is, i've already paid. argh! since when i'm so blur =( i paid 35bucks (for the race pack) + 10bucks (for 6mths of subscription) so in total, it's 45bucks. haha! dont tell anybody that i was a marketing major 3 years ago. anyway, back to the original email story. i email-ed them the correct email and hopefully, they are nice enough to send me the confirmation letter to the correct email address.

searched through my cabinet and i managed to find 30RMB. ha! see if my mom or sis has left over from last time, maybe i can jus kop from them. i bet my mom wont be interested to go China after the last trip. haha!

and i'm such a sweet girl and how concern i am that i didnt even know something happened. i hope he is alright.

the feeling is jus to wonderful when the first thing you hear is this song...

and i've jus signed up for Shape Run 2009. yay! running with my cousin. cool manz!

'look where you are going swimming!'

haha. i went swimming with my dad tis morning and we shared a lane with this lady. she was swimming with freestyle and i interchanged between freestyle and breast stroke. this lady was super funny cos' she nv checked what's ahead of her. when she was approaching me in front, she jus kept swimming and i had to swim away from her so that she wont bulldoze me. after a while, i was quite tired of swimming; keeping in mind to swim away from her.

i found tat it's quite amusing cos she didnt really check what's ahead of her, jus kept swimming. even when she reached the sides. i wonder if she ever banged onto the wall before. hmm..

one of the boxes of mochi my sis brought back from japan. she told me was black sesame. then we realised it's red bean. hope she can learn how to pronouce black sesame before she goes to japan.

she asked me a silly question today: "what do you call the mother and father of transformers?" hmm..anybody?

joke no. 2 -
tutor: what is 'popular'?
7 years old boy: 'popular' is the place where you buy presents for your friends, and buy your pens and books.

haha! err..i hope whoever is reading this is laughing. by the way, this conversation really did take place. =) yARpZ!

last night, i was sorting out the pictures and i realized we were missing my birthday month's pic. sadz! i love yesterday - good luck lunch! and i love my fake smile too. haha..i'm such a natural faker (oxymoron).

the Fangs have jus moved to Antarctica. it's freezing out there and the fireplace in our house is not working. fantastic! and i declare that MY life sucks to the core. =)

i wonder what has exactly happened. you are so near, yet so far away from me. we barely exchange a few words everyday. in fact, we dont even speak to each other like we used to. i can really count the number of time words we used. in the past, we discuss anything under the sun, the moon and the stars. now, we didnt even talk much about our favourite sport.

is it me or is it that there is no more common topic between us? i guess i've become a walking zombie and you've become an eccentric old man. because of the difference, we no longer speak much to each other. it saddens me. really. i wish things will be back to normal quickly. the silence is killing me.

i like this clip a lot, not cos of the little girl but the idea of judgement.

people always say 'dont judge a book by its cover' and actions often speak louder than words. shamefully, we judge people. do we even realise that when we judge people, they are judging us too?! it's hurtful but still we choose to do it. just how many wrong judgments have we put on the people around us? i guess it's easier to count the correct ones. because of all this untrue judgements, many misunderstandings have created as we choose to believe in our perceptions.

we think that we are very educated; but when it comes to moral, i guess we all need to learn from scratch.

ha! after 1 day and 1 night of search, i finally settle down with Mary had a little lamb. by the pictures and description, i believe you have guessed the main idea of this blog - sadist!

so here goes the theme song..

yes! it's in japanese, which is more kawaii than the one we learned.

while allowing crank to stream more, i shall blog.


hmm..honestly, the weather arent really fantastic these days. raindrops can just suddenly dropped on some days and scorching hot sun on other days. well, not literally raining; just that the sky is gloomy.


i think i've deprived childhood. i'm eating something what the kids (in my era) used i eat - biscuit that shaped like a fish! apparently, it's super nice and makes me happy. amazing, huh? ooh..'m lovin' it! everytime before i eat one, i must make it 'swim' in the air. i wonder how does it taste like to add milk into a bowl of fish biscuits. ooh, shall try that for my..hmm..lunch tomorrow. yay!

recently, i've been thinking (just to prevent them from rusting). you know, when we were kids, we were pretty tired too. i mean, do you feel like your arms and shoulders were breaking? or have you ever had muscle ache on your thighs?

now, imagine that when you were little (once again) and your parents were like giants to you. before you can cross the road, you had to raise your hand high up in the air so that you can reach your dad or mom's hand. as you were crossing, the green man started to flash, your parents had quicken their pace. in order for you (little ones) to catch up with your parents' pace, you had to run.

see! kids can be easily exhausted without our parents knowing it.

as i was writing all these craps here, i would like to share something. quite funny thou. it happened when i was really young and i had really short legs. okay, not something i should glorify about. i remembered my mom always asked me to jump over a big puddle of water whenever it rained. there was no other way to go because that stretch of road was flooded. so, whenever i tried to jump, i would always end up creating the biggest splash. apparently, i had never failed to land on the deepest depression (given my undeveloped legs). so, i used to hate rainy days cos' i always got scolded by my mom for 'purposely jumping into the water'. ha! have mercy on me!

poor children, we were always being misunderstood.

the sky was gloomy and threatening as the dark clouds floated in early in the morning. it rained, finally, only in the afternoon.

the recent TVC - beautifully imperfect by MCYS touched many people's hearts. i didnt think very much of the video until the woman said "...it's these small things that you remember. the little imperfections that make them perfect for you..."

now whoever is reading this, touch your heart and asked yourself if you're guilty of using your own ideals, standards and values as benchmarks to judge somebody whether he or she is good enough for us or good enough to us. when the person appears to be in deep contrast with the projected standards we've got on them, we often feel hurt, angry, betrayed and confused. we may then begin to drive him or her out away by becoming cold and aloof, unappreciative, selfish, unconcerned and uncaring.

and yes, i'm guilty of that.

the truth is, he show me exactly who i am and how much he care for me through everyday behaviors. he woke up early in the morning to prepare breakfast (scramble egg and bacon) and rushed back quickly from classes to make dinner (seafood spaghetti). he knew exactly what was on my mind. he always makes his presence felt.

but what have i done for him? i was pissed off with him and argued over something that i've promised to give it some time. again, i made a broken vow.

honestly, i'm sick of the topic and it seems that i always get so worked up when we are on it. the first time we were on the topic, we ended up angry at and upset with each other. then, i thought avoiding the topic seemed to be a solution. however, i was wrong. it snowball-ed into something more serious.

i was terribly selfish. i thought by showing the way and putting in some effort, he wld learn and do the same for me. but little did i know, i was so wrong. i led myself to believe in it. unfortunately, when things didnt go as i expected, i blew my top off. in the moment of anguish, i forgot that my promise.

changes dont jus appear like that. it needs time. i guess i was jus too anxious to see the changes that it didnt occur to me that it was your emotional barrier. oh, what a wonderful understanding person i am.

love is simple but nobody says it's easy.

to those who are very curious of what i've been doing at home. i dont jus make cookies. i make my own milkshake using avocado..yummy! it's good for cholesterol and complexion (which i believe). ha! though i didnt manage to find anything scientific to prove it yet, still people do produce it as facial foam rite. so it cant be that far off lah. - according to FKX's theory.

ingredients: 1 avocado (of cos), 1 cup of low-fat milk, sugar, ice-cubes. and then jus grind, shake and mix them all up using the machine and ta-da! the FRESH avocado milkshake is ready to be served. =)it was raining cats and dogs early in the morning. the atmosphere was dull and everything seemed to be very still. the mood was gloomy. the rain was so heavy that i could hardly see my fingers when i stretched them out.

people always say sunshine after the rain. and i thought for a while...yes, i found my sunshine! he was there when i was so down and discouraged. he has always been there for me to tolerate my nonsense and remind me to be strong. the sun is out and i'm smiling again. this is how we communicate on msn. woohoo! i have a love-hate relationship with technology.the sunshine i was talking about! =) when the sun was out the next day, we met up for dinner at northpoint. it may sound bizarre to you but yes, i always love the idea of him coming to my turf. it make me feel appreciated and important cos he has made an effort from the west to come meet me in the north. haha! sounds silly and selfish but yes, i'm lovin' it! being the greedy me, i wanted to ask for more but i guess i shouldnt, jus like this is good enough for now.

we went to watch movie the next day. it was quite an enjoyable day initially but after that, i spent my day worrying for him. my mind was in a whirlpool. lots of thoughts jus flashed across my head. seeing him suffering such an excruciating pain makes my heart aches.

to the appendix-less: please do get well soon and we shall start our cam-whoring all over again! =)

cheers!

SIGNS

jus wan to share this short film. it's really sweet, isnt it?

i guess all i have to say is cherish your loved ones like you will never see them again. let your actions speak; tell them how much you love them today and... everyday!

these days, i was thinking about life, humans, you and me. it seems like we are robots ourselves but of cos with emotions.

when our parents bring us into this world, they have already "programmed" us with their DNA strands. they bring us up and nurture us; hope that one day we are all able to live up to their expectations. being an elite in sgp is jus simply not enough. in such a competitive climate, we have to be the cream of crop; THE elite among the pool of elites.

we wake up every morning to prepare to go to work. after eight hours of slogging in the office, we go back home to rest and we do that for the next four or five days before the weekends arrive. then we re-energise ourselves before we start the cycle all over again. this is what 16 0r 17 years of education has taught us or led us to be.

doesnt this sound like a cycle? we came to this world to receive education before we can contribute to the economy. to be a useful person, one has to achieve first class honors and only that it is considered successful. but touch your heart, are you really happy?

or have you forgotten what is happiness? achievements only bring you this much of satisfactory and this much of joy in your life. so what really makes you happy?

tathump..tathump..tathump..tathumptathumptathumptathump.. my racing heart. just feel that i've irregular heartbeat. sometimes, it is jogging, and sometimes running. other times, it sprints.

recently, i've started baking and i made cookies. =) and oh by the way, they are super edible okay! my first attempt was pretty successful. my parents and sis said that they were quite nice to eat but kind of sweet.

so, on my second attempt, i made sugar-free and preservative-free milo cookies. haha! but it didn't go so well. there is no milo taste at all.. dotz

like what i was told by the people around me, don't give up! my next plan is to make cashew and walnut cookies. hmm..maybe also cereal cookies and that is if i steal from my mom. haha..healthy cookies for the Fangs! oh but poor thing, they have to keep eating the cookies till i got tired of baking or occupied with something else. hopefully, they dont beg me to stop baking..ha!

anyway, any takers for my cookies? i make healthy cookies. smiles!

april is arriving in one day's time. another month has gone by and i've yet to settle down.

the wait is excruciating. it feeds on my happiness and joy, killing me day by day. my heart is left (not at outram park) in the cold after being rip-opened.

jus as the smile is fading, there is some unknown forces bringing the two eyebrows together. laughters seem so distant to me now. suddenly, my cheeks are burning hot. my vision is blurred. what is ahead of me, i cant be sure.

i need to be strong. people always say that you have to go through the dark before you can see the first ray of light. that's the darkest moment. i am struggling to see the light. i have to fight the darkness and brave through the storm.

anyway, thank you so much to those who have been reading my blog to get my latest, making sure i'm alright. i'm lucky to have so many concerned friends. =)

honestly, i'm not. everyday is painful, so stressful. sometimes, tears can just well up. but somehow, i manage to control them. oh well, i know it's not very smart but i'm just not used to cry in front of people. sometimes, i guess i've just have to learn to share my feelings verbally, not by blogging it.

emo is my middle name.

i'm tired, both mentally and physically. all i know is i'm really exhausted.

went for the head over heels run yesterday morning and i completed the 8km. it's some sort of achievement because firstly i've never joined any race before. secondly, i managed to finish jogging the 8km without stopping. though to those who are veteran runners, 8km is no kick. still, i'm so proud of myself (haha!).

i finally knew what is determination and the sense of achievement. when you're tired of running, you will feel like stop. to prevent yourself from giving up, you got to be strong in your mind. you have to keep encouraging yourself. i remembered the last part of the race when we had to run round the cable ski, i started cursing (wah, f*cking big round!) in my mind. but still, with self-determination and having someone beside you who didn't give up, it makes you, or rather me, to run with him. so we went round the cable ski and that was at the 7th km. a few minutes later, i saw a banner getting bigger and the words on it getting clearer. start/finish was written on it. oh my gosh, at that moment somehow but you dont know how, somewhere but you dont know where, you had more energy to run a bit faster. and finally, i finished the run. it's just so darn cool!

WARNING:

the following blog post is vulgar. to those who havent hear them before, you still cant hear them. just read on. to those who doesnt like me scolding vulgarities, too bad! just close your window or navigate away from this blog.

i'm blardy pissed now. what is the hell wrong with you?! why didnt you just farking share your thoughts and feelings? i'm jus freaking tired of fishing things out of your mouth. you can happily just get those farking information out of your mouth to others but not me! are we still family? why are you keeping things away from me? if you guys want to know, why dont you just come straight to my face and ask me?! since you guys dont want to come and ask me, i will not tell you guys either. i hate messengers! so dont farking get a messenger and think that i will tell her who will in turn pass you messages and information.

by the way, how many times must i repeat myself. stop farking sharing my things with others! i've already mentioned this to him and why didnt it just get into your farking brain. just freaking brushed them off. i hate to be the topic now, can! fucked up manz!

to those farked up people, if you guys want to know what the hell wrong with my screwed-up life, just come and ask me. stop poking your nose around and blardy transfer information like that. i really hate it! honestly, totally disgusted about it. as of now, i feel like telling you guys to farking live your own life and mind your blardy own business. screw you! this is not showing concern lor. it is freaking busybody alright. for your information, my surname is FANG and not yours. so please dont come and claim that we are one family, okay. we are family but not immediate family memebers, mind you.

second issue that really pissed me off. really, just fark off! why is it always this period of the year? if you just blardy live your own life, shut the fark up and leave us alone. the sight of you people disgust me. i hate march and may. just farking get out of my freaking life!

i'm giving him face for now so i suppress my true feelings. come to think about it, he knows i hate you busybody. but i really dont farking give a damn. dont go overboard else i will really make you guys shut up one fine day.

trust me.

This is a loooong blog. Please spare some time to read because it is really worth the read till the end....

MARRIAGE

When I got home that night as my wife served dinner, I held her hand and said "I've got something to tell you." She sat down and ate quietly. Again, I observed the hurt in her eyes.

Suddenly I didn't know how to open my mouth. But still, I had to let her know what I was thinking. I want a divorce. I raised the topic calmly. She didn't seem to be annoyed by my words, instead she asked me softly, "why?"

I avoided her question. This made her angry. She threw away the chopsticks and shouted at me, "you are not a man!" That night, we didn't talk to each other. She was weeping. I knew she wanted to find out what had happened to our marriage. But I could hardly give her a satisfactory answer; she had lost my heart to Dew. I didn't love her anymore. I just pitied her!

With a deep sense of guilt, I drafted a divorce agreement which stated that she could own our house, our car, and 30% stake of my company. She glanced at it and then tore it into pieces. The woman who had spent ten years of her life with me had become a stranger.

I felt sorry for her wasted time, resources and energy but I could not take back what I had said for I loved Dew so dearly. Finally she cried loudly in front of me, which was what I had expected to see. To me, her cry was actually a kind of release. The idea of divorce which had obsessed me for several weeks seemed to be firmer and clearer now.

The next day, I came back home very late and found her writing something at the table. I didn't have supper but went straight to sleep and fell asleep very fast because I was tired after an eventful day with Dew. When I woke up, she was still there at the table writing. I just did not care so I turned over and was asleep again.

In the morning she presented her divorce conditions: she didn't want anything from me, but needed a month's notice before the divorce. She requested that in that one month we both struggle to live as normal a life as possible. Her reasons were simple: our son had his exams in a month's time and she didn't want to disrupt him with our broken marriage.

This was agreeable to me. But she had something more, she asked me to recall how I had carried her into out bridal room on our wedding day. She requested that everyday for the month's duration I carry her out of our bedroom to the front door ever morning. I thought she was going crazy. Just to make our last days together bearable I accepted her odd request.

I told Dew about my wife's divorce conditions... She laughed loudly and thought it was absurd. No matter what tricks she applies, she has to face the divorce, she said scornfully.

My wife and I hadn't had any body contact since my divorce intention was explicitly expressed. So when I carried her out on the first day, we both appeared clumsy. Our son clapped behind us, daddy is holding mummy in his arms. His words brought me a sense of pain.

From the bedroom to the sitting room, then to the door, I walked over ten meters with her in my arms. She closed her eyes and said softly; don't tell our son about the divorce. I nodded, feeling somewhat upset. I put her down outside the door. She went to wait for the bus to work. I drove alone to the office.

On the second day, both of us acted much more easily. She leaned on my chest. I could smell the fragrance of her blouse. I realized that I hadn't looked at this woman carefully for a long time.. I realized she was not young any more. There were fine wrinkles on her face, her hair was graying! Our marriage had taken its toll on her. For a minute I wondered what I had done to her.
On the fourth day, when I lifted her up, I felt a sense of intimacy returning. This was the woman who had given ten years of her life to me.

On the fifth and sixth day, I realized that our sense of intimacy was growing again. I didn't tell Dew about this. It became easier to carry her as the month slipped by. Perhaps the everyday workout made me stronger.

One morning, she was choosing what to wear. She tried on quite a few dresses but could not find a suitable one. Then she sighed, all my dresses have grown bigger. I suddenly realized that she had grown so thin, that was the reason why I could carry her more easily. Suddenly it hit me... she had buried so much pain and bitterness in her heart. Subconsciously I reached out and touched her head.

Our son came in at the moment and said, "Dad, it's time to carry mum out." To him, seeing his father carrying his mother out had become an essential part of his life. My wife gestured to our son to come closer and hugged him tightly. I turned my face away because I was afraid I might change my mind at this last minute. I then held her in my arms, walking from the bedroom, through the sitting room, to the hallway. Her hand surrounded my neck softly and naturally. I held her body tightly; it was just like our wedding day.

But her much lighter weight made me sad. On the last day, when I held her in my arms I could hardly move a step. Our son had gone to school. I held her tightly and said, I hadn't noticed that our life lacked intimacy.

I drove to office.... jumped out of the car swiftly without locking the door. I was afraid any delay would make me change my mind... I walked upstairs. Dew opened the door and I said to her, "Sorry, Dew, I do not want the divorce anymore." She looked at me, astonished, and then touched my forehead. "Do you have a fever?" She said.. I moved her hand off my head. "Sorry, Dew, I said, I won't divorce. My marriage life was boring probably because she and I didn't value the details of our lives, not because we didn't love each other any more."

Now I realize that since I carried her into my home on our wedding day I am supposed to hold her until death do us apart. Dew seemed to suddenly wake up. She gave me a loud slap and then slammed the door and burst into tears. I walked downstairs and drove away.

At the floral shop on the way, I ordered a bouquet of flowers for my wife. The salesgirl asked me what to write on the card. I smiled and wrote, I'll carry you out every morning until death do us apart. That evening I arrived home, flowers in my hands, a smile on my face, I run up stairs, only to find my wife in the bed - dead.

The small details of your lives are what really matter in a relationship. It is not the mansion, the car, property, the money in the bank, blah..blah..blah. These create an environment conducive for happiness but cannot give happiness in themselves. So find time to be your spouse's friend and do those little things for each other that build intimacy. Do have a real happy marriage!

i'm starting to feel pity for the kids.

i went swimming yesterday morning. it was crowded since there were many primary kids and senior citizens (haha..find myself so out of place). well, there were a few youngsters lahz. when i was resting by the side, a group of young kids, at most primary 4, sat beside me. The swimming coach was teaching some starfish style. she wanted to do a demonstrate so picked on this particular boy. as we were all in the deep pool, naturally there would be some phobia. unfortunately, this female coach wasnt very nice. when the kid had already expressed his fear, saying "i'm scared." she shouted at him and said "down!" obediently, the boy did as what he was told.

poor boy! i think the coach is very mean. i'm not implying that she should just not let the boy demonstrate. i feel that she should at least reassure him that she is there to lookout for him and he can be sure that she will keep him safe. shouting at him makes him more frightful. so horrible of her!

i would rather buy my kid a swimming float than engaging such coach with no compassion. haha..i'm just kidding!

no plans. no plans. no plans. run! dance!

wow, i havent update the blog since last Sunday! been a hectic yet fun week. two major events happened this week.

first and for most, it's damien's bday week.


c-towners, or rather his Marc Jacobs and poker kakis, held a birthday celebration for him at dblO. it was fun (minus the... ... yarps, haha!)

i am not very good at buying gifts so i bought him Mickey Mouse bedsheets (strange right!), beer mug and made him a video!

the second event that happened this week was Sheares Production! this year was even better than last year cos at least when i stayed up late, it's not for the fact that i had to count and tally the money. it was cos' i wanted to keep myself awake to watch definitely maybe and socialize with the rest of the exco.

i'm so glad that this year's production is over and elated that it is a great success. on the contrary, it marks the end of my hall life. thinking back, i guess i've never regret staying in hall because that is the place where i meet my caring neighbor, my travelling buddies and damien.

joined the guitar hero world tour challenge with kk and qi. it was super fun yet embarrassing. we kept failing because we were kinda tone-deaf. eh...probably it's just me lah. haha..i cant believe it! i must learn guitar. *hint hint damien, please do your job well this holi (haha).then after the challenge, we went to play wii. looked like kk and qi havinglots of fun playing tennis. and qi served. kk always win us. argh! he kept boasting about his skills and that he played the real tennis. alright, fine! whatever! hurray, you win!after that we went lerk thai. i finally get to eat my salad! yay! after multiples of self-phototaking, i concluded that my skill deteriorates. kk managed to take the best photos (among my lousy ones) while he was chatting on the phone.
the service not bad actually. the waitress offered to help us take picture. oh, hendry. now you are the missing one. bleah! get a life and stop doing project on Sundays. it sucks!
anyway, i think kk is going to hate me. but still, i believe he will forgive me de right. we are the same kind of people - zhong se qing you. haha..okay okay, i shant rub into it. hope you have a great trip..erm i mean, training in taiwan. i try to save up and go find you when u're at taiwan. haha..if i save =)

sianz! didnt get to go IT fair. wanted to check out wii and buy there. so many things i wanted to buy. now have to wait till june. *yawns! okay lah, i shant complain. at least it's a good excuse to distract me so that i wont overspend.

hmm..come to think about it, i think i've been very "thrifty". i've such a screwed up mealtime recently. on one night, i can have my dinner at 9plus pm. the following day, i only had one meal and that's dinner. sometimes, i can either take my lunch at late noons or totally forget about my lunch.

i just realized i've been quite indecisive these days. suddenly, i feel so lazy to decide where i want to go, what i want to eat when i'm with him. the worst was sometimes i couldnt even decide whether i wanted to go home or not. how amazing!

guess it's not that i'm indecisive (haha..is that a self-denial statement?!). i think KEXI IS A GREEDY GIRL! she wants the best of both world. she wants to spend more time with him, yet she wants to be at home to accompany her mom. oh gosh, what is happening?!

she finds herself silly these days. the worst was once when she was swimming halfway, she suddenly smiled. well, it's not that sudden, just the thought of meeting up with him the following day made her smiley all day.

but sometimes she's really crazy. when she met up with him, she would find something to bicker with him over..erm..unknown reasons. then after that, she would regret for being so..okay, never mind about that.

i guess the problem with humans is that we tend to remember the bad and take the good for granted. we should, or probably it's ME who should learn how to appreciate the good in him and express my feelings better.

nonetheless, i'm very grateful that he is still with me.

totally impressive!

i feel that i should give a pat on her back and tell her that she has done me proud. very proud, indeed. it is unquestionable that she has reached the heights of her tolerance and patience.

she used to flare up on whatever things didnt go HER way; snapped at whoever stepped on HER tail. sometimes, even i feel that she is kind of DEMANDING and UNREASONABLE. but this time, she plays it cool. i think it is really a wise choice to walk away, simmer down before looking back at the firestarter again. at least, when she comes back, she talks with a rational head. i believe that when one is really at the top of his or her anger, nothing goes into their head, let alone processing the facts correctly.

all she wanted to do is to know all about his thought and feelings after the HORRIFYING EVENING. but i guess he finds more comfort in Marc Jacobs than her.

for Marc Jacobs, he brushed her off with a couple of words. for Marc Jacobs, he cant wait to hang up on her. for his Marc Jacobs, she put up with all these. she really dont understand; or rather, she will not be able to understand. but perhaps the day will come - the day when she, like him, falls in love with Marc Jacobs.

writing therapy IS indeed a really good way to avoid fire fighting, says Kexi. *wink

ran again. i realized that it took longer to recover today. still, i was proud of myself cos' i managed to ignore it completely.

swimming tomorrow morning.

last night was fun! we (yarpz! just the two of us ^_^) went to wala-wala.

the band that was playing last night was The UnXpected.



i was very impressed with the lead singer, shirlyn tan because she sings really well. she has a very strong vocal and i like her style. hmm..a bit rebellious, punky, emo..just that she carries herself off very well. ooh, did i sound as if i've lesbian tendency..hmm..

anyway, pictures pictures pictures, damien...keke =)

there is really something called 'writing therapy'. it said that the act of writing and processing the written words helps one gradually eases the pain and strenghten the immune system.

i hope blogging helps me.

honestly, i'm depressed almost every day. the thought of waking up in the morning is quite tiring. i used to believe that tomorrow will be a better day. now, i just pray that my ringtone will sound off and that the person on the other end invites me to an interview. anticipation is killing me!

sometimes, i really feel dejected and rejected after interviews. it's not that i never do my homework. seriously, i really dont know what they want. when you have a degree, they will think that you're fresh in the society. on the other hand, when you are a veteran in the society, they think that your qualification is too low to match up to the job. nothing is perfect in this world. if there is, then there will not be demand and supply. no more invisible hand..erm..perfect competition?!

my mandarin is lousy. i cant even express myself in proper sentence. shucks! i'm screwed.

i went jogging in the evening after we had ended the 7-minutes phone conversation.

the jog was great! i finally learnt what determination is and unexpectedly, i discovered something new about myself.

some negative thoughts are just in your mind, playing you out. like whenever i jog, there will always be cramps after certain distance. sometimes, it was so painful that it forced my brain to tell my legs to stop jogging. today, my determination was strong. i totally ignored its presence and continued running. due to the lack of attention, the cramps gave up and cooperated with me. so, that's how i completed my 5km. yay!

i'm so proud of myself because this is the first time, i did not succumb to cramps (though i did slow down a little). i guess it's because of my determination and belief. i set myself to run 10 rounds of 500m in the park, which i did. =) however, my timing for 5km today wasnt fantastic at all.

NOTE: i used 'today'. that means, the next time i run, i must improve that freakin' timing lahz! hmm..or maybe i should aim to run 8km next time and see how w.o.l.s i am..haha..

yet another week and this is the first week of another month.

suddenly, this song just came into my mind.

Waking up to find another day
The moon got lost again last night
But now the sun has finally had it's say
I guess I feel alright

But it hurts when I think
When I let it sink in
It's all over me
I'm lying here in the dark
I'm watching you sleep, it hurts a lot
And all I know is
You've got to give me everything
Nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

All I wanted was to know I'm safe
Don't want to lose the love I've found
Remember when you said that you would change
Don't let me down
It's not fair how you are
I can't be complete, can you give me more?
And all I know is
You got to give me everything
And nothing less cause
You know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

Oh please, you know what I need
Save all your love up for me
We can't escape the love
Give me everything that you have
And all I know isYou got to give me everything
And nothing less causeYou know I give you all of me

[CHORUS]
I give you everything that I am I'm handin' over everything that I've got
Cause I wanna have a really true love
Don't ever wanna have to go & give you up
Stay up till Four In The Morning & the tears are pouring
And I want to make it worth the fight
What have we been doing for all this time?
Baby if we're gonna do it, come on do it right

(Give you everything)
(Give you all of me)

the weather is odd these days. i feel the difference and changed. these days are cold, just like you...

...but still, i love THE COLD WEATHER.