i've told her.

today is Thanks-giving Day in US. my xiaoyi had sent a message and shared a song. i would love to share it with you guys too.

sharing her sentiments, i'm thankful and grateful that my loved ones are safe. we don't really worry about the food and not having a roof over our heads tonight. what else can we ask for from life? like what she says, life is full of hopes and joys. it is really nice if we can extend our hands to help those in need.

sometimes, we are too busy with our life and we often forget about ourselves; let alone our loved ones. it's quite an irony to think that they are closest to us but we neglected them the most.

it reminded me of myself. i was supposed to call home this afternoon to tell my mom my plans for tomorrow evening. but i was so busy mugging for my papers that i've forgotten completely. i thought how filial i am. if i told my parents tomorrow that i wanted to call home but i forgot, they would think that "it's alright. you're busy with your studies." but that's not the point. it just show how much i care for them.

then a question came upon me:

when you leave your house today,

have you kiss your loved ones and tell them how much you love them?

honestly, i haven't. not because i stayed in hall. but i hope you have. though it's not our culture to kiss them before you leave your house, it is a sweet little gesture that will brighten the rest of their day. they will feel much appreciated by you. the problem with our culture is that we often think that action speaks louder than words. but honestly, i feel that it is comforting to hear from them.

if you're like me, it's alright sweeties. just do it everyday from tomorrow morning onwards... =) *hugs. and now, i shall leave you to enjoy the song... ... ...

PHIL COLLINS - ANOTHER DAY IN PARADISE



Lyrics:-------
She calls out to the man on the street
sir, can you help me?
Its cold and Ive nowhere to sleep,
Is there somewhere you can tell me?

He walks on, doesnt look back
He pretends he cant hear her
Starts to whistle as he crosses the street
Seems embarrassed to be there

Oh think twice, its another day for
You and me in paradise
Oh think twice, its just another day for you,
You and me in paradise

She calls out to the man on the street
He can see shes been crying
Shes got blisters on the soles of her feet
Cant walk but shes trying

Oh think twice...

Oh lord, is there nothing more anybody can do
Oh lord, there must be something you can say

You can tell from the lines on her face
You can see that shes been there
Probably been moved on from every place
cos she didnt fit in there

Oh think twice...

starting to dislike her simply because...

i think she has a serious problem. her mood can change drastically and unreasonably (hmm..or maybe unreasonable to us but i guess she should know it best, lah). sometimes, she just confuses me. i don't know what makes her unhappy about; and when she's upset. i don't understand why she is sad, who is getting on her nerves and how can she not be so insensitive towards the feelings of other whom she cares for.

whenever i asked her why she's like this, she will find some reasons. but i think it's an excuse. there is no reason for one to be unhappy, upset, angry, jealous about. i believe whatever reasons she gives are CRAP! she has the same problem that happen couple of years ago. angry for ridiculous reasons, upset over microscopic stuff.

sometimes, i think people just tend to remember the not-so-nice part and totally forget about how sweet and caring the person has always been. you forget how much love, care and concern that person has showered you with because you simply take it for granted. you tend to amplify the negatives and intensify your scrutiny of the person's actions that piss you off. because so such magnification, she has "successfully" making herself; and others upset. well done, girl!

the truth is not everyone is like you. don't expect people to think and behave the way you want it. there are differences in people and that makes it interesting. every new person you meet is a mystery. when you "unwrap" them (figuritively), you'll be surprised because who knows it is a rare gem. isn't that makes gift-unwrapping exciting?! i mean seriously, if you want people to behave the way you want and talk the things you like, why don't you clone them and program them?

i hope you get what i'm trying to say. THEY ARE GEMS AND THEY ARE THE REASON TO YOUR SMILE. without them, you won't be who you are today. give yourself and others a chance and space. love them like you love yourself (or maybe you should learn to love yourself first).

be sweet and nice. don't deprive yourself and others.

that was quite sudden. it caught me off guard and i didn't know how to react. all i know is that i didn't feel good. if you read Harry Potter, it is as if dementors have came and suck all my happiness away. sorrows and sadness just engulfed me. negative thoughts were racing through my mind. my heart dropped and no motivation to make it pump again. (haha..okay~ i exaggerated). but honestly, that fact changed my the joyful mood instantaneously. just snap your finger NOW, yarpz! this is how fast my feelings change.

the feeling is beyond description. not sure if you feel the same way before, it is a mixture of worry, sadness, excitement and some unknown feelings. they just came to me and swept me off my feet. i didn't want to think about it now.

i thought we have given it a thought before. it suddenly just makes me feel insecure. you sound that you have no faith; and making me feels as if you're giving up. that explains my worry. i am sad because we can no longer spend so much time like now. i guess we have to go through this phase but just a little longer than others. on the bright side, i'm quite excited though not sure over what. but i guess that makes us cherish the time together now and near-future even more. anyway, absence makes the heart grows fonder..hee (a bit off suddenly..hmm)

all i want to say is i want to believe in this. yes, believe in us. as i've said, it's not going to be easy but i guess we will if we want. have a little faith in...US!

six days to my first paper: forensic science.
lots of memory work. tomorrow i'll start studying for it.

eight days to my second paper: mass media and culture.
i simply love the modules. and amazingly, the readings are not as boring as others. the lecturer and T.A are very "liberal". i just love the political jokes. so hilarious and enjoyable to mock at the 'holy trinity'. i never once dislike attending lectures and in fact, i think the 2-hrs long tutorial every fortnight is just not enough.

thirteen days to my last paper in NUS: culture industries.
gosh! totally hate this module. don't know what the heck it is about. what a good paper to end with!

today was fun. i set my alarm at 8am but i actually woke half an hour earlier. i wondered why i woke up before the alarm clock went off. i kinda realised i was awake by shockness..hmm..so cool, right..somebody thought he can surprise me but amazingly, i was better at surprising people! haha =P surprised him with an empty bed when he opened the door..

then he "sort of" found me in the toilet. didn't really think the time was tight for him (since he didn't tell me the night before), i took my time to shower and changed. then i went to have breakfast. being a muddle-head for once, i ordered something that needed lots of time to eat. but then just how much time-consuming can two slices of bread and two soft-boiled eggs take? haha..i think i must have pissed him again. oops, i'm sorry!

but then, i just couldn't be bothered. instead, i felt good. i think i should be in my ZEN mode so that i won't be cranky. i would be more cheerful and smiley! you know, i'll keep my cool so that I WON'T BITE!

back at hom; over the dinner table, we were talking about the car service. i think i'm the true owner of the car. apparently, the one of the co-owners of the car had to call and asked me what type of lubricant to buy. the other owner thought i conducted some FAQ session or something. She asked me so many question about what to do when the car was in service and etc. but i think i sound more like the technician and customer service consultant.

we also talked about going for holiday right after my exam. yarpz, 5th Dec. but after checking the air tickets, it's quite expensive. so most probably, just go to Pulai Spring or Genting with his friends. but i'm worried, worried about SP since the exco in-charging of the backstage are not around for the holi. after discussing with qj, i decided to take over backstage and da to take care of front of house. i think it's an learning experience for me since i'm always involved at the front of house. i hope this holi will not have any problems and able to accomplish as much as possible so that in Sem 2, it will not be that hectic.

last night, i was talking to mf on msn. he asked me what i was feeling now. i told him i was indifferent. though it was my last lecture last night, i didnt feel sad. i guess it was a mixed feeling since i am going to embark on a new journey. well, i miss school; definitely.

alright, talking about school, i think i should go mug for my exams.. jiayou jiayou jiayou, kexi!

okay, i guess she'll shut up from now on! oh wait, that's nearly impossible. i recommend her to speak when necessary. on a safe side, just say 'yes or no'. these words are rather neutral. she's thinking. considering. finally, she's not going. i think it's right that she decided not to go. i guess if she turns up there, maybe you'll think that she has some agenda to be there.

"hey girl, don't bother! seriously, JUST WHATEVER!" i told her.

it's just hurtful when she knows that he has doubts in her. come on, she's just trying. she needs his support, NOT throwing a bucket of cold water on her..brr..does he has any idea how cold that can be? but well, good job for murdering that effort!

i continued, "but girl, sometimes i guess you're just rushing into things. you know changes don't just appear and you can't expect people to accept instantenously, right. it's not Christmas. i mean, even it is Christmas and if Santa ever appear in front of you, you still need time to accept the fact and the gift. you'll then appreciate the beauty of patience. so, promise me that you'll give it some time. you know what, i'm just glad weekend is here! we can hang out and spend some time together. go out and be under the sun. spend a little time with yourself, do something you like or enjoy. it helps, trust me!"

I AM A MEAN GIRL! (at least i think i am one now.)

my words are full of thorns and sacarsm. it's kinda getting out of hand, i feel. i hate being like that because it just shuts people up. i guess it leaves no room for people to talk to me. it's just a turn-off to talk to me. i don't want to be friend-less or lose anybody because of my lousy form of communications. oh gosh, isn't it an irony?! a communication major graduate-to-be doesnt know how to communicate with people properly. =(

it seems like my short-temper has made a comeback. not sure if i'm too sensitive or what, i feel that my mood can change drastically in a short time. like one moment i can get angry; then the next moment i can be normal and talk about it. the sudden transition of mood scares me. is it that because i can't develop the anger into a "full-blown" one or is it i can get over it real fast?

i used to think before i get angry. i'll try to reason things with myself before getting mad at people or things. but now, i think i just fa xiao jie pi qi. i dont want to be like that! it makes me like an unreasonable girl and feels like a spoiled brat. I AM NOT!

i miss him.

it was just so weird. i felt myself so clingy. i can't think of any reason for acting like that. i guess because the time that we are going to spend is decreasing from today onwards. he sleeps while i study in the day; i sleep when he is studying. but come to think about it, it's not that bad lah. then we won't be disturbing each other. both of us can concentrate better. hmm..did i just make myself sound as if i've no discipline and that i'm easily distracted by him. or maybe he is my distraction (oops! =P)

oh gosh! i'm hungry again.

anyway, i'm starting to study for my exams but i'm thinking of picking up the vouchers at Centrepoint this Saturday! i need some retail therapy. though i know i'll burn my pocket, i just dont care! hee..

bro just recommended a new place for holiday. http://www.avillionportdickson.com/ looks good, isn't it. but i wonder how much for the total cost. i want to go Taiwan too. seriously, just anywhere is fine. heehee..after all, it's the companion. =)

annoyed.

some idiot stole my STRAWBERRY SHORTCAKE water bottle in hall library! seriously, it's less than 10bucks. i can't believe that her (or maybe his) integrity costs so little. first, my pail. now, my water bottle.

sounds evil but whoever stole MY WATER BOTTLE will choke when drinking water.

argh!

i seriously don't understand.

for what you want to bring up again. you know very well that he doesn't like it. i thought we had gone through this over and over again. it simply just didnt get into your head. if you want to say, just tell us, not him. how many times must we repeat this? don't bring it up all the time. if you want, just remind him when the time comes. argh!

and you! i can understand why you are so unhappy about it but do you have to ignore her?honestly, i think you are just being petty. can't you see she's trying to give in? you said as long as we are not affected by it, it doesn't matter. looks like you are REALLY very affected by it.

what's wrong with you guys?! or maybe it's not your fault, it's mine. i should not have brought up a topic that will indirectly link to that topic. i thought we were over it. come on, give me a break! it's super tiring to bring this up over and over again. it's not worthy to get upset with each other because it's only that FREAKING 3 days out of the 365 days. guess what, I CAN'T BE BOTHERED WITH IT ANYMORE!

finally! finished unpacking after moving back to my own room. it's such a chore to move in and out. in a couple of weeks' time, i'm going to move out AGAIN! argh, irritating~ ah!

he said i'm emotionally unstable today?! hmm..i kinda disagree actually. i think i'm alright but maybe i look stressed out. need to hand in my prototype tomorrow at 8am (which is impossible for me to wake up at 7.59am to hand in.) so for sure, i need to hand in before bedtime tonight. oh well, the worst is i'm only 50% done and i'm still blogging here.

maybe i shall slack for another half an hour then go for a quick jog. then have dinner and get to some serious business - COMPLETE AT LEAST 80% of the PROJECT.

just came back from Square2. intending to buy a pair of slippers. instead i bought a new pair of covered shoes! haha..my sis thought was not bad and anyway, it's super cheap. so i just bought it. yay! it's baby pink (yucks! sound so bimbotic) so i guess it's quite sweet lah. =) but i can foresee that it will get dirty. so i must start walking properly and gently.

when i got home last night, my dad insisted on checking his email. he's just so excited to show us his achievement in golf - "on top of line". apparently, he explained that this line is drawn during tournament and it is pointing to the hole. so since his golf ball is "on top of the line", it means that he is very accurate. and i said "wah, so zhai." he just laughed and said "no lah, a bit of luck also." then i thought "haha..ya right ~ trying hard to be modest."

see how wide his smile is and how small his eyes are. oh, probably the sun is too glaring lah..haha..the proud golfer with his golf ball on top of the line.

i felt bad yesterday. i realised i haven't been such a nice person after all. sometimes i feel like as if i'm a mannequin. so expressionless and emotionless when someone said or did something really sweet for me. i also can be quite indifferent and insensitive towards things around me. my gosh! i can't believe i've got such a low EQ. i don't think it's cos of mafia-ness. or may be it is?! i'm so confused.

i remembered i did say something like i don't enjoy watching romance cos' it makes people live in their "fantasy". i kind of regretted saying this. i guess i seriously need to appreciate these shows. amazingly, when my mom and sis cried over some scene that are quite sad, they can tear. sometimes, when they are watching those scenes that are undeniably sweet, they can go "aww..so sweet!" but i just watch with my two eyes, thinking "oh come on, it's just a drama series. besides, how sweet can it be. i mean who can be so sweet especially we are in a place where everyone is so realistic." i think it is just self-denial that such sweet person doesn't exist to do romantic stuff on his or her love ones.

i guess gene is right. i need some anger management class. when i'm hurt or sad, i don't really cry. it's just the feeling of wanting to cry but the tear well is dried up. i'm so pathetic that i don't even know when i should be angry. i haven't been really mad over something or at someone. i can get over it quite fast, i think. but luckily, i do know what is joy and i think i know i can laugh hard. i should start watching lovey-dovey drama, i guess.

anyway, i went to watch 'max payne' last night after forensic sci with couple of people. i thought i couldn't make it for the movie but it turned out that my class ended at 9.30pm. da and i find the movie was not bad but boyan and junhao think otherwise. anyway, it's very subjective.

oh ya, the most important thing of all is... ...

MY FIRST BOUQUET OF FLOWERS

it's my first bouquet but it's not the only flowers i ever received okay (get it right! haha..). needless to say, it's from Damien! so sweet of him. it was really a SWEET SURPRISE! not acting bimbotic, i swear i didn't expect it. he was standing outside PageOne bookstore and i was walking towards him. then i didn't notice what's behind his hand. then (ta-da!), the red roses. feel like giving him a hug but i don't really like to PDA (haha..=P)

actually, it makes me feel guilty because i haven't been really nice to him. i think i'm only good at making people feel guilty and i tend to contradict myself. i think it's so silly of me. yesterday, i said i can't make it for the movie. i told him to join them instead of staying in hall. apparently, he wanted to wait for me after my class so that we could go somewhere. after that when he was going with them, i said something nasty to make him feel guilty (i shall save the details. can't shame myself any further =/) that's why he bought the roses. it's so thoughtful of him but it makes me a sinner.

all i want to say is "thank you for the sweet little gestures. it really means a lot to me. though i can't really express myself (ironically, i'm an Art student, majoring in COMMUNICATIONS and new media!); i mean i don't really know how to express myself very well, i hope you know i'm learning to be a better girl everyday. thank you for the patience and not giving up on me because i'm such a lousy gf. i'm learning to transform into a real kexi, not the mannequin. you mean the world to me, darling!"

Meaning of Color of Roses

- Red: Sincere Love & Respect, Courage & Passion
Send red roses to convey the message of your passionate love for that someone; saying "I love you"

- Pink: Grace and Gentility, the rose of sweet thoughts.
Send deep pink roses to show your appreciation & gratitude; saying "Thank you" Send light pink roses to convey admiration and sympathy

- Yellow: In the Victorian times, yellow roses meant jealousy. But today, they signify friendship, joy, gladness and freedom, the promise of a new beginning.
Send yellow roses to brighten up someone's day; to congratulate your friends and loved ones during Joyous occasions.

- White: Spiritual love & Purity, the rose of confession, the bridal rose; "You are heavenly", "I am worthy of you"
Commonly used as traditional bridal bouquet during weddings to symbolize a happy love. You can nevertheless use them to convey the message of "You are heavenly, I miss you"

- Lavender: Love at first sight and enchantment
Send lavender roses of course, to convey the message of your "love at first sight" with that special someone. You can nevertheless also send them if you would like to make a special impression.

- Orange: Passionate desire, pure enthusiasm and fascination
An excellent choice for a new relationship that you wish to pursue further. It can nevertheless also be referring to a new business partnership.

Meaning of Number of Roses

- 1 Rose : Love at the first sight; you are the one
- 2 Roses : Mutual love between both, deeply in love with one another
- 3 Roses : I love you
- 6 Roses : I wanna be yours
- 7 Roses : I'm infatuated with you
- 9 Roses : An Eternal love, together as long as we live
- 10 Roses : You are perfect
- 11 Roses : You are my treasured one; the one I love most in my life
- 12 Roses : Be my steady
- 13 Roses : Secret Admirer
- 15 Roses : I am truly sorry, please forgive me
- 20 Roses : Believe me, I am sincere towards you
- 21 Roses : I am devoted to you
- 24 Roses : Can't stop thinking about you, 24 hours everyday
- 33 Roses : Saying "I love you" with great affection
- 36 Roses : I will remember our romantic moments
- 40 Roses : My love for you is genuine
- 50 Roses : Regretless love, this is
- 99 Roses : I will love you for as long as I live
- 100 Roses: Harmoniously together in a century; remaining devoted as couple till ripe-old age
- 101 Roses: You are my one and only love
- 108 Roses: Please marry me!
- 365 Roses: Can't stop thinking about you, each and everyday
- 999 Roses: Everlasting and Eternal love

to KK: just in case, you haven't listen to Jay's latest album, i recommend two songs:

1. 給我一首歌的時間

2. 說好的幸福呢