it's all coming back again.

what is wrong with her? why is she always thinking so negatively? when can she stop all her nonsense? how is it possible to communicate if she keeps being such an annoying person?! enough is blardy enough!

i think she's starting to feel that it's all one-sided. she can't be sure if she is really needed there or not. she can't be sure if she is doing it too much that it is getting on people's nerves. i guess she just feel that she is making an offline effort but the result is only virtual.

sometimes, she just felt that her presence is redundant and she hates virtual. but i believe that it's the mode of communication - can be quite sucky at times. it seemed like this form of communication is not as haps as it seemed, i mean as it sound. just certain element is lacking - i guess it's energy.

i guess she's just being too sensitive again. the fact that she has laid her trust and faith so she should not have any reasons to feel this way. probably she is not so used to the distant. after all, it is visual for her everyday, down to couple of days. soon, it's once a week or fortnightly. she is more of a visual person. i mean who can blame her since seeing is believing. eyes are the window to the soul and she always looks into people's eyes when she wants to know more. now that everything is so online, she just being insecure and lack of confidence in herself. ha! sounds like a loser, isn't she?

suddenly, she felt like she has lost everything. okay, not everything. just some things. what has changed her? where have they gone to? since when have they desert her and leave her all by herself? why hasn't she gone looking for them?

she is starting to hate herself. where is the mafia-ness she has? where is she?