was driving to hall today when i heard this song on the radio. it's a nice song and i quite like it. today hadnt been good day cos' i've yet again did it again. i hate it! i dont want to say much. just that i need and have to build on something to maintain that thing.

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see
That I want and I'm needing everything that we should be
I'll bet she's beautiful, that girl he talks about
And she's got everything that I have to live without

Drew talks to me, I laugh cause it's so damn funny
That I can't even see anyone when he's with me
He says he's so in love, he's finally got it right,
I wonder if he knows he's all I think about at night

[Chorus:]
He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only thing that keeps me wishing on a wishing star
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Drew walks by me, can he tell that I can't breathe?
And there he goes, so perfectly,
The kind of flawless I wish I could be
She'd better hold him tight, give him all her love
Look in those beautiful eyes and know she's lucky cause

[Repeat Chorus]
So I drive home alone, as I turn out the light
I'll put his picture down and maybe
Get some sleep tonight

He's the reason for the teardrops on my guitar
The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart
He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do
He's the time taken up, but there's never enough
And he's all that I need to fall into..

Drew looks at me, I fake a smile so he won't see

happy birthday to Kexi!

dont think of the sacrifices you have done. instead, think of what you can do to make them happy. i like to plan but i dont like to be planned. neither do i like to be forced.

i am trying to balance.

i miss my daddy!

Just like a star across my sky,
just like an angel off the page,
you have appeared to my life,
feel like I'll never be the same,
just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands,
Honor to love you

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

You've got this look i can't describe,
you make me feel I'm alive,
when everything else is au fait,
without a doubt you're on my side,
heaven has been away too long,
can't find the words to write this song of your love,

Still i wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

Now i have come to understand,
the way it is,
It's not a secret anymore,
'cause we've been through that before,
from tonight I know that you're the only one,
I've been confused and in the dark,
now I understand,
Yeah-yeah

Oooh......Ooohhhh..

I wonder why it is,
I don't argue like this,
with anyone but you,
I wonder why it is,
I wont let my guard down,
for anyone but you we do it all the time,
blowing out my mind,

Just like a star across my sky,
just like an angel off the page,
you have appeared to my life,
feel like I'll never be the same,
just like a song in my heart,
just like oil on my hands.

next monday is my birthday (*ahem ahem)

haha..okay, i dont need an elaborated birthday celebration. i also dont need to rip off all the wrappers that hug tightly to my presents. i cant remember all my birthday celebrations except my 21st birthday. was in hall and i received 21 roses from 21 people. aww..so sweet of ham to come up with this idea. after that, the usual birthday song, cakes and erm..drinks!

evil laughter of boyan. offering his bottle of vodka. my 21 shots or more which i cant remember too! *disclaimer: but i was sober enough to have dinner with my parents at THE LINE. hee

the pictures were taken two years ago! i think people change to the better. haha..at least for me!

i think age is really catching up. i dont really remember how i celebrate my 22nd birthday. seriously. i cant even remember who i spent it with. oh..wait. i think if i'm not wrong, i spent my morning painting the billboard. the SP billboard. haha..then i went home to have dinner with my family. yarpz!

this year, my birthday happens to fall on the first day of the Chinese New Year - the Year of Ox. OMG! and that means i'm 24 years old (according to the lunar calendar). not very happening, eh. nonetheless, i'm thinking if i should buy a cake to my granny's place to celebrate with all my beloved cousins. oh well, see if i happen to walk past any Four Leaves bakery and i shall think about it.

daddy just got home!
didn't have breakfast with him today cos' of tuition. then i thought we can have dinner together tonight. but we did not because he was busy helping his friend; to deliver pots of flowers to the retailers. he knew this friend since when he was a recruit (haha!)

i'm tired already. don't know why. just tired.

it's all coming back again.

what is wrong with her? why is she always thinking so negatively? when can she stop all her nonsense? how is it possible to communicate if she keeps being such an annoying person?! enough is blardy enough!

i think she's starting to feel that it's all one-sided. she can't be sure if she is really needed there or not. she can't be sure if she is doing it too much that it is getting on people's nerves. i guess she just feel that she is making an offline effort but the result is only virtual.

sometimes, she just felt that her presence is redundant and she hates virtual. but i believe that it's the mode of communication - can be quite sucky at times. it seemed like this form of communication is not as haps as it seemed, i mean as it sound. just certain element is lacking - i guess it's energy.

i guess she's just being too sensitive again. the fact that she has laid her trust and faith so she should not have any reasons to feel this way. probably she is not so used to the distant. after all, it is visual for her everyday, down to couple of days. soon, it's once a week or fortnightly. she is more of a visual person. i mean who can blame her since seeing is believing. eyes are the window to the soul and she always looks into people's eyes when she wants to know more. now that everything is so online, she just being insecure and lack of confidence in herself. ha! sounds like a loser, isn't she?

suddenly, she felt like she has lost everything. okay, not everything. just some things. what has changed her? where have they gone to? since when have they desert her and leave her all by herself? why hasn't she gone looking for them?

she is starting to hate herself. where is the mafia-ness she has? where is she?

If I had no more time
No more time left to be here
Would you cherish what we had?
Was it everything that you were looking for?
If I couldn't feel your touch
And no longer were you with me
I'd be wishing you were here
To be everything that I'd be looking for
I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So every time you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again
Every time you touch me
Touch me like this is the last time
Promise that you'll love me
Love me like you'll never see me again

Oh Oh Ohhhhh

How many really know what love is?
Millions never will
Do you know until you lose it
That it's everything that we are looking for
When I wake up in the morning
You're beside me
I'm so thankful that I found
Everything that I been looking for

I don't wanna forget the present is a gift
And I don't wanna take for granted the time you may have here with me
'Cause Lord only knows another day is not really guaranteed

So everytime you hold me
Hold me like this is the last time
Every time you kiss me
Kiss me like you'll never see me again (can you do that for me baby)
Every time you touch me (see we don't really know)
Touch me like this is the last time (see everyday we never know)
Promise that you'll love me (I want you to promise me)
Love me like you'll never see me again (like you'll never see me again)

cleaned the antique wooden cabinet in my house. ohh..these treasures only get to see the "world" every year when spring-cleaning them.

my dad's bao jian (cheng cheng!) haha..like the wu xia xiao shuo kind of sword. so chi-na! like her daughter - china-pok

now they are back to where they belong. i take pride in my work. so don't mess around with me and try to mess up. a note for my dad..hee..ugly handwriting! oh wells, it was written at the moment of anguish..kekeke..

well, actually can see that i just anyhow dumped his 'fishy' stuff at the lowest cabinet. after all, he will mess it up in days to come.. bleah! =P

today is the first day of school. but not for me =(

i miss school (as in literally). it's so good to be a student. don't have to worry about pocket money (oh well, at least for me..) =P there's so much freedom. nobody really cares if you go to school or not. you do not need to write in to apply for "leave". jus that you'll be wasting your school fees which you do not really see it be literally being wasted.

it's really time for me to wake up and find a decent job. get on with life and realise that there's a better life out there. look forward, kexi!

for the schoolchildren, have fun in school. play hard and study harder! haha =)

after tuition, my mom called me. she asked if i wanted to join her, my dad n sis to pick a few pots of flowers for the new year. we went to the usual garden owned by my dad's army friend. you bet how strong their friendship is.

some pictures i took when we were there. i've abandoned (okay, i mean i've graduated from) sea of orange . here i am, in the pretty sea of yellow and purple.

sunflowers! ohh..i love it manz.

my mom bought four pots of flowers in spite of saying "i'll just buy one. one will do." followed by a firm confirmation. still, she chose four pots.

i don't know why my mom insist of bringing the two flowers back on a CAR. well, our 1.4l car is just nice for the four of us. it's totally uncomfortable to have two more pots of flowers. i mean dad can use his van to pick it up and he will pick up the other two which are totally impossible to bring back on car. so wat's the hurry manz. besides, dad has trolley so he can bring the four pots to our home without hurting his back.

another thing that stunned me after my tuition was that the folks are planning to go msia to buy pineapple tarts. yarpz! amazing. jus go to msia for the pineapple tarts. haha! seriously~

cylysce jus kissed me. haha..cos' i found the love of her life: http://www.blurty.com/users/witheringtravis honestly, i think he is cute and talented too. haha..oh man, i'm attached!

okay, i mean yay! i'm attached to a cute and super duper uper nice boyfriend. i'm really fortunate to have him by my side all the time (figuratively cos' he still have school to deal with). =) school's re-opening next monday, i hope we still be able to spend time. but well, whatever it is, school comes first. CAP 5 okies!

came back from a half an hour run in the mornin at 6am. actually, i managed it with music. listenin to music while jogging.

today's plan:
1. prepare for interview: i thought someone might come over and help me with it. haha..it's ok lah. i can manage it myself too. just need to think about what to wear tomorrow. argh! headache.
2. prepare for tuition: my student is my primary school junior! so 'qiao'..haha..my mom asked me to drop him after i found a full-time job. but well, i can always put him on weekends, right. haha..she just worried that my full-time job take up most of my weekdays and i don't have time for family, friend (hee) and friends.

confused. frustrated. i dont know. really. is it just me or the stabilizer? or maybe the chemical compound itself is already kinda volatile?

like my dad always says, it's the singer, not the song. come to think about it, i guess it's me. mistake. shouldn't blame the stailizer or the chemical compound. oh gosh, probably i accidentally added undesirable foreign particles in the process of stablizing it. i dont know why i've been so careless but i hope the experiment works and the results won't differ much.

and yes, what i've done. well, like i always said, what is done can never be undone. so why am i still thinking about it. if the result is different, so be it. i mean who knows, there may be some unexpected positive results. if you never try, you'll never know =) at least, so far i haven't live with regrets.

but honestly, who am i trying to kid? i still think about it. yes, it's a disguise. on the surface it seems the same to me, but still there is something missing or already have changed that i didn't take notice of. maybe it's me again. i'm being too sensitive. =/ whatever it is, i hope nothing has changed and the results is either the same or even more positive.

anyways, HAPPY B'DAY, DADDY!

havent been sick for the longest time. cant really remember when i had fever.

well, yesterday i felt the worst ever. totally no strength and my body couldnt decide whether she's cold or hot (haha!) went to see a doc (yarpz! what a great way to start a new year).

he believed i caught some stomach flu and prescribed me dompenyl, panamol, dhacopan and cirok (ciprofloxin). they are just basically for nausea, fever, abdominal pain and antibiotics.

i'm not having fever now but now my nose is trying to run. *sneeze now i've got indigestion. i think my gastric is giving me problem.

an apple a day keeps the doctor a day. i should have listen and not have two. =/